What I Learned: Tough Guys Turn into Little Boys When Trains are Involved.

I'm typically not too excited for Christmas. As much as I love it, I've always had mixed feelings because it just seems like there is so much to do to get ready. Granted, as my mom's Christmas helper, I have always had to help buy and wrap gifts for around forty people, and somehow that put a damper on the Christmas Spirit. We talk about how Christmas is too commercialized, and too busy, too complicated from how it should be. And maybe it is, but...I don't think it would exactly be 

Christmas without a little bit of the madness.

I want to love Christmas, I want to love the holiday spirit, and so I'm working on that this year. I've got my tree all set up. (A real one this year!) I've got my snowman collection out, and the Nativity out on display. I watched "White Christmas" which is my favorite of all Christmas movies.  I've even allowed the Christmas music to be played on my ipod already. That's pretty good for me! There is a sadness there, knowing this will be the first Christmas of many without mom and dad, but I also know that they are having a great holiday together and that they would want me to have the best holiday as well.

Despite all of that, I was being very grouchy and grinch-like about the ward Christmas party I got to be in charge of. It just seemed like things were falling apart. I had planned it for early on in December, (December 1st to be exact) so that it wouldn't get cluttered up with everyone's family parties and traditions. My committee and I decided on a Polar Express themed party, complete with train-arranged tables, 'dinning car' and 'forest' surrounding our train adventure. I threatened to cancel it more than once, in my head and out loud just because I was sick of having to think about it.

In the midst of running around yesterday, I was waiting for some baking to be done and so I checked facebook where I saw a post asking how to get into the Christmas Spirit. This post was from a family member, who's been through just as much this year as the rest of the family, and I could relate to her feelings. The Christmas spirit seems so hard to come by anymore. There were a lot of good

suggestions from her friends on Christmas-spirit giving ideas. Her post was still on my mind as I went to start setting up the church for the party. I had some amazing help from my friends, all of which were boys, helping me with not only setting up tables and chairs, but putting on and smoothing each table cloth and putting the train center pieces out on each table. They were all willing to take time out of their day to help me, for which I was very grateful for, but then something happened.

In the train sets that we had gathered there was one giant "North Pole Express" train set that I decided to have them set up on the stage. Imagine this, four, big, strong men, army men, lacrosse playing men, heavy metal listening men, all putting together this one train set. These four boys turned into the most excited little boys when we pulled the train set out. I just had to step back and watch, unobtrusively trying to get a picture.

In that moment, despite all the running around I had done all day, and how excited I was for the whole thing to be over and done with, I took a step back and saw the Christmas Spirit in action. I wish my blurry snapshots could capture for you the magic of that moment. There was excitement, imagination, cooperation and just plain fun.

I think I learned an important lesson. The Christmas spirit is magic. It has the ability to let each of us take a step back and look at the world around us and see the good that is in it.  It does not make everything perfect, but it can make us grateful for what we have. Yes, the way we celebrate Christmas in the world today makes Christmas about presents and shopping, madness and crazy drivers on snowy roads. And I'm not going to say that's good or bad. It's just Christmas. But when you take a moment to think past what Christmas has become, you'll see that Christmas spirit wrapped all around it.

There is a deeper reason that we celebrate Christmas. We remember what happened in a stable many years ago, and what the birth of a Savior means to us. I don't mean to take away from that reason, or the sacredness of the true meaning of Christmas. So take a moment and stop to think about how you will honor that reason. But I also think that it's okay to get caught up in the fun and the magic of the season too. Set up the trains, dress up in your Santa suit and have some fun. The spirit of Christmas is already there, we just have to look for that magic in the moments where it wraps us up and takes us back to when every Christmas tree looked twenty feet tall and every day felt like an eternity as the presents piled up under the tree. It seemed like Christmas would never come!  

My parents told me, once long ago, that although Santa Claus does not exist as I wanted to believe he did, his spirit is the Christmas magic and we can always believe in that, no matter how old we get. So my challenge for myself, and to you if you want it, is to just Believe. Believe in Christ and the Father that sent him. But also Believe in Santa Clause and the magic of the season.

"At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe." -The Polar Express, Chris Van Allsburg

Exceedingly Great Faith - Alma 13:3

I had just a few weeks left in my mission when this scripture (Alma 13:3) wormed it's way into my thoughts, my study and probably my teaching as well. If you get a chance to read it, do! It talks about the great war in Heaven before we came here and how the war was won.

It was Brother Carpenter, the father of a family we were really close to, who first asked me the question that made me look at this scripture so differently. The scripture talks about the 'exceedingly great faith' of those who fought on the Lord's side. Brother C. asked me, "What did they have faith in? How can they have exceedingly great faith in God and in Jesus Christ when they were living with them? They were taught by their presence. So, what does it mean in this scripture that they had exceedingly great faith?"

This question made me think. It made me study and research. I wanted to find an answer for Brother Carpenter. In the end, I came up with a few reasons.

This is what I think it meant to have "exceedingly great faith" in the context of those living with God before they came to this early life.

There were two plans presented in Heaven, there was God's Plan, the Plan of Happiness that centered on Christ and his Atonement for all mankind. His plan was also based on our agency, our ability to withstand the trials and temptations of this world and to make the right choices. To repent when we made mistakes and to accept Christ and his gospel in this life.  The other plan was presented by Lucifer, it was a plan that he said would ensure that every single one of God's children would make it back. There would be no agency, there would be no choice. All of God's children had to make a choice right then and there as to which plan they would support. Two-thirds of those children chose God's plan and those two-thirds are here on this earth. Those two-thirds are those who exercised our great faith. But HOW?

There are three things I came up with:

1. We had faith in our Heavenly Father that his plan was the right one for us. We had faith that agency was the only way we could learn and make our own choices-even our own mistakes. We had faith that his proposed plan was the only way that we could become more like Him-which is what we really, really wanted.

2. Once we had faith in the plan, we then had to have faith in Jesus Christ, our older brother. We had to have faith that he would fulfill His earthly mission. He would come to earth, he would be sinless though tempted, he would teach and minister, he would suffer for our sins and all our hardships on earth, he would die for us, and then He would be resurrected so that all of us could one day be resurrected. We had to have exceedingly great Faith that he would be able to do all of that because of his eternal, and unsurpassing love for each of us.  

But again, although there was a war in heaven over this decision, we were there and we saw and were taught the Father's Plan by the Father! We saw, and we knew of Christ's love for each of us! We still exercised our faith and choose the plan, but there is one more thing that we had to have faith in.

3. We had to have exceedingly great faith in OURSELVES. The plan in opposition the plan of happiness said that every person would make it back to live with God. That sounds very easy.

But we had heard the Father's plan, we had faith that he was right. We heard Jesus say he would go and be our Savior, we had faith in him. That final and maybe most hardest part to accept was to accept that we would have to go down to earth, away from our Father, and we would have to make choices, face temptation and trials, and make the right choices that would get us back to God. We had to have faith that we could do it. We had to look inside ourselves and ask if we could do it, if we could make all the right decisions, if we could give our will to the Father so that he could make us into the person that He knows we truly are. We had to exercise 'Exceedingly Great Faith' in ourselves.

But guess what? You did that. I did that. Because you and I are here, I know that we had Faith that we could do it. 

Sometimes, I forget that. Sometimes, life is hard. But then, luckily I'm surrounded by people who remind me that I am a Child of God and that He loves me, and He also has Faith in me. That makes a big difference. Whenever I come to this scripture in my study of the Book of Mormon, I'm reminded of Brother Carpenter and his question, and I'm lucky that he asked it and that it stuck with me. And just when things start to get stormy in life, sometimes Heavenly Father reminds me of this scripture. He did that this past weekend and I'm grateful for his constant love for me.

I know that sometimes I get caught up in everything going on around me, but there is so much more to life and to eternity than what is just right here surrounding you. There is so much more to the Plan of Happiness that we don't understand yet. But it is a plan of Happiness. So if you're not happy right now, remember that you can be and that it will all be okay. 

Going Places?

Maybe it was about a year or so ago when a good friend printed this quote off for me. She told me that I shouldn't be offended, (And I totally wasn't) but she thought that it totally summed up me. I related to it instantly, and it's on my computer backdrop, reminding me that I'm not stuck, I just don't know yet where I belong.

I had an amazing opportunity this past week, one of my goals is to be able to buy a house with my inheritance. As family, we're waiting on my parents house to sell, so I have been looking into real estate, but I haven't been too serious as we're waiting for the family house to sell first.

However, while looking at some listings, I found a house that I really wanted to see. I called my agent (my awesome sister in law) and told her I wanted to see the house. I then called my best friend and told her we were going to look at this house. I'll tell you, I'm looking for a house where I can have an apartment in the basement, that would be my first draw. This house that I was looking at had been converted into two legal apartments, so I guess you could classify it as a duplex. It had its issues, but all in all, it had pretty much everything on my 'must have' lists.

I went home stressed out because decisions stress me out.  And they make me cold. (It doesn't help that my houses current average temperature is about 51*)

The next morning my sister in law called and asked me what I thought because the other agent had called and someone else was putting in an offer that day on the house. I wasn't ready to make a decision, but I really liked that little house. I decided to move forward and see what happened.

It was a day of ups and downs, I'll tell you that. The house is only about a half hour from where I currently live and work, but I knew that if I bought it and moved, my life would be drastically altered. (Again this year) But I had to see what would happen. Finally about 6:30 that night things fell apart and it became evident that I wasn't going to be able to get the house right now. That's fine, and I know it will work out.

But holy cow, so much madness!

I honestly don't know where I'm going, or when...but I'm learning that maybe that's okay. Maybe that means I'm staying here a little longer, learning some things right here. And something so perfect will happen and I'll know why this whole thing didn't work out.

But it wasn't inaction on my part.

You see, I'm a very patient person. I would much rather wait and see what happens than go and make things happen. Maybe that's my fatal flaw. (I read Percy Jackson too) In fact, this week I listened to a BYU Devotional where the speaker talked about when patience becomes our weakness. Maybe that was some of the reason I decided to just to go for it and see what happened. And nothing bad happened! I had to face my feelings, my fears, and I got a little disappointed at the end of the day, but that's nothing I can't handle. So maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn. I can move ahead and see what happens, I can make decisions and I'll be watched out for.

I'm going to try to start working on that a little more. 

A Grief Observed

I saw this on pinterest and it struck my heart. In my 28 years, I admit I haven't had a lot of grief, for which I am grateful. But this past few months losing my mom and dad was just really, really hard. And in those moments, I realized the truth behind the words C.S. Lewis wrote.

I'm sure that there are different feelings of grief for anyone, but for me, this hit it right on the head and I'm going to come back to it. But first, let me set this up.

I made it my goal to take care of my parents, it just felt like what I was supposed to do. When I decided that, I didn't know what the future held for my parents or for myself. I remember there were times when my dad told me not to worry about them, and I know he worried that I was giving things up to be with them.

But on the days when it felt hard, I remembered a quote that I heard on my once favorite TV Show Smallville. I'll be honest, I cried when I heard it. In the particular episode, the young Clark Kent has decided not to go away to school, but to go to a local school and live at home to help his father on the farm in Smallville. His father is pretty upset with him for decision and says, "Clark, I just don't want you sacrificing your potential because of me." and Clark looks at his father and says, "Dad, it's not a sacrifice, it's a choice." I can recall mirror conversations just like this held with my dad. And I'm not saying this because I want praise for my choice, but simply I want to put out there, it was a choice. And when you make a choice, you should always be able to go back and ask yourself why you made that choice, if the reasons are still there, your choice should still stand. And my reasons were always there, and that is why I stayed.

The amount of help I gave to my parents varied on any given day, I still had a mostly full time job, I still had a social life, and I had a great apartment in my parents basement. That all changed in a matter of a few months this year. I don't think many people realize the amount of changes I've had this year, it's easy to forget when you aren't the one experiencing those changes. Besides losing my parents, the smaller and yet still life changing things have included a move in my job location and a move to a new place to live. It's safe to say, the ground has felt a little shaky under my feet for several months now, especially with the big, "What's Next?" question looming overhead.

That question leads me back to that fear. And the grief.

I was talking to a friend who said to me, "You can do anything you want now!" And she's right. I have a freedom now to do the things I always thought about doing but never felt I could fit in before. But there is that fear. Because as I thought about her words, I said to her, "I know you're right. But the hardest part to overcome is the feeling that if I try and fail, I won't have that security of coming home again. I won't have those two people who never really let me fail before. Because if I fell, they were there to pick me up."

To me, that is the fear in grief. I know with all my heart that my mom and dad are far better off where they are now then where they were just a few months ago. I know that I will see them again. But I have realized that all in all, grief is a selfish emotion because you miss that person in your life so much. Grief is wanting them back to fill that hole in your heart that won't ever really go away. And fear is that you don't know where you belong anymore, your world is altered and shaken up as to be unrecognizable and it's hard to want to pick up the pieces."

I think I have started too though. Try to piece back together what my parents always wanted for me to be.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. And other times it feels like being midly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take in what anyone says. It is so uninteresting." C.S. Lewis 

June 2013-Strawberry Days Parade

Worth the Wait

It's hard to explain my life since 2014 began. I think, at first I was on a high from a pretty good end to 2013. But then....

In March, my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. In April, my dad passed away. In May, mom got to come home from the care center, on hospice, for a month before she passed away. I was in the room with both of them passed away, just two months apart. Those two months seemed like an eternity to me. We knew that mom only had a limited time, but we didn't know what that limit was, so every day was a waiting game, grateful to still have her, but also knowing that it was just one more day in the waiting game. That might sound harsh...but it's the truth. 

In the midst of everything, my mom had suffered a stroke that paralyzed her left side and made her a different person. She was still my mom, but she wasn't the mom I had known for 27 years. She was different. So that was hard. 

At my dad's funeral, my brother gave me my dad's watch, which I have worn pretty much daily since then. It was my sister that reminded me that this was my dad's newest watch, he'd got it for his birthday in February.

My mom, at a loss as to what to get him for his birthday, was grateful when my sister saw the watch at Kohl's and bought it for her to give my dad. It was a couple weeks belated though. (Dad's birthday being on the 3rd and it was the 15th when my sister brought the watch over) But when my mom said, "Dad, I finally have your birthday present." He came right over to see what it was. 

Excited, he had the watch immediately removed from it's package and pulled it onto his wrist. He looked it over, nodded and said, "Well, it was worth the wait." 

So now, when I look at my watch, I remember my parents. But not only that. I remember what he said that day. There are many things in life that are all the better simply because they are worth the wait. It's not easy to wait, and there are days when time seems to move all the more slowly because of the waiting. But my dad was right and when I remember that, it makes it a little bit easier.

And, my friend was kind enough to get my watch engraved for me for MY BIRTHDAY! 

Waiting for Superman

**Disclaimer: Hero is a term debated in the world today. I have hero's that I work with day in and day out. My parents were my hero's. So, just before I begin, in no way do I take away from the REAL hero's of this world so don't take any offence to anything I'm saying, PLEASE**

So lets get this straight. I love Superman. Through the years and decades, he, I think, has remained THE Superhero. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a hater of the other superhero's out there, I have my own Batman gear, and I won't say no to watching Avengers and all the related movies. But I find it hard to doubt that there is a more defining hero of the term 'Superhero' in the comic book world than Superman. 

There are several people who have asked me, "Why? Why are you so obsessed with Superman?" I thought about this long and hard, because while maybe it's a simple thing to explain, (after all, he IS Superman!) in my little heart, the answer is not so simple. 

I finally came up with this answer. (Flannery O'connor said, "I write to discover what I know." so please excuse the story format. It's how I figure out my own mind). 

     "Why are you so in love with Superman?" 

     "Because I've always wanted to marry someone just like Clark Kent." 

     "Not like Superman?" 

     "No, I don't think so. You see, Clark Kent is the perfectly human side of Superman. Put the secret keeping aside, he's in love with Lois Lane, he's a little nerdy and goofy, perhaps a little clumsy, but he protects her while at the same time he makes her feel like the hero. I want to love someone like that. He might look pretty imperfect to everyone else, but he will know that to me, he is Superman."

That might sound idealistic, but that's who I am. My Superman is out there, but maybe I just haven't learned enough to really see him. 

A couple years ago I stumbled upon this Poster on Pinterest. I absolutely adore it, in fact I bought it and have it hanging in my house. And it's my cell phone backdrop. 

Image Thanks to Entropy Trading Co Click Here! to get your own Poster!

First of all, I obviously love Superman, so just based on that, this poster won my heart. But there is so much more to it! Some people might say, "You forget, even Lois Lane couldn't see past the glasses to know that Clark Kent was the superhero she loved." 

Maybe that's true, but eventually, she figured it out. She had to learn to look past the glasses and every other wall that Clark had built up in order to see him for who he really was. Clark Kent was always the disguise, not the reality, but Lois just had to learn to see it. That's not so far from how it is today. I've learned this past year, that if you can learn to look past the walls and then really believe in someone, they can become your Superman. 

I titled this post, "Waiting for Superman" because that is totally my song. (It's by Daughtry, Look it up!) I read something that Chris Daughtry said about this song, "For me, I think it means waiting for that person to step up and be what you need them to be-whatever that may be, in that particular moment." And I totally agree. But I'd add my two cents and say that it means stepping up and being that person, and also allowing someone to be that person. I know I'm at fault when I say that I do too much waiting and not enough allowing, but it's something I'm working on. I'm working on seeing past the 'glasses' and I'm learning to look for what is really right for me. 

It's hard. You know, I know that you do. But you're doing better than you think. And so am I

And...if you've been able to untangle any thoughts from this mix matched post, I'd love to hear them! 

 

She Said I Think I'll Go to Boston

It was sometime around 8 years ago that I first heard the Augustana song, Boston. It struck a cord with me from the first listen and it's the top hit on the soundtrack of my life. There are some people who ask about it, why it's that song. I'm sure I've sidestepped the question with a million reasons, but I think this is the one.

"...She said, you don't know me, you don't even care. She said, you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains." 

You see, the song is about a girl. I imagine her quiet, probably more introverted that extroverted. She's not one to open up or trust others with her thoughts or her problems. She has an image, being aloof, but not rude or unkind. Just distant from people, unable to open up to them. She's been through something, or maybe many things that have hurt her, she's sick of being defined by those things. She's tired of putting on a brave face and sick of people trying to tell her how to feel and how to heal.

So...

"She said I think I'll go to Boston. I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain. Oh yeah, and I think I'll go to Boston.I think that I'm just tired. I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset. I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice..." 

From the moment I heard those lyrics, I knew I would someday go to Boston. It's inevitable, and it's a dream that I've held for eight years. Maybe you'll think it's silly, but I bet if you think about it, you've got one of those silly dreams too. You can't define it, but it's there and it is sometimes your driving force.

For eight years, I've been unable to get to Boston. I had a friend living there for a few years, and tried unsuccessfully for those years to get out and visit her. Even last fall, I had plane tickets ready to book, but it just didn't work out.

I think it would be unfair to all parties involved to say I put a lot of dreams on hold the past five years. But I have. I don't regret it though. I regret forgetting those dreams though. It's one thing to pack dreams away for a time while you deal with the things that you have to. It's another thing to forget those dreams. I forgot a lot of my dreams, which was a choice that I made, not one forced on me. However, Boston never got forgotten.

That's why, when this year, both my mom and my dad, who I have cared for during the past five years, passed away rather suddenly and unexpectedly over a three month span of time, I felt totally lost. I not only lost my parents, but my home and a sense of security.

But I have a best friend, and although I've never expressed it to her in too many words, she knew that I would need to go to Boston when things settled down. I almost didn't. The realization that Boston was my only dream left weighed on me and forced me to realize that I have to dream new dreams.

But last month, we went, four of us ended up going. It was a great time, we saw a million and one things, and experienced so many awesome things. But I did not fall in love with Boston as I had hoped too. It was a direct answer that it isn't where I'm supposed to be right now.

However...I do think that I could change the name in the song, from Boston, to maybe somewhere else. As soon as I figure out where that somewhere else might be.

Chariots of Fire

Growing up, this girl was my best friend, pretty much my sister. She's my niece, and 18 months younger than me. That beautiful baby is her 9 month old daughter: 

Three Weeks ago, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma, she's days away from her second Chemotherapy treatment. Last week, in talking to her, she told me of an experience she had. In a dream, she woke up in the Spirit World and she was sure she had passed on. As she looked around, her grandpa, my dad, walked over to her with a huge smile on his face. He put his arm around her and gave her a side hug, he never said a word, just smiled. She said, it scared me at first because it made me think I was going to die. But then I realized that it was meant to give me comfort. It was meant to let me know that there are people on the other side that are looking out for me as well as people here.

Although this was her experience and not mine, it was very powerful for me for two reasons. The first reason was the fact that it was my dad to come to her. Why you ask? This girl has had four grandparents die in the space of 18 months. Three of them die in the last five months. And I think there is a reason that my dad was the one to represent all of those loved ones to my niece: 

Mainly because at the time of his death in April, he hadn't walked in over 25 years. In her dream, he walked to her and put his arm around her. It demonstrates that after this life, we are made whole because of Jesus Christ. He wanted her to see that no matter the consequence of the cancer on her body, she will one day also be made whole.  

The other thing I wanted to address from this experience is that there are people on the other side cheering for us. I thought instantly of this quote by Elder Jeffery R. Holland: "Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha" (2 Kings 6:16-17).

In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike--and they will--you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham's seed.” 

 I'm grateful to know that truth, as two of those grandparents in the spirit world are my parents, I miss them so much but I know that they are there, that they care and that they will always come to my aid and my defense. 

Not Fair

Somewhere, somehow, in those first year of our life, we come up with a concept that life should be 'Fair'. So let me put this out there, what exactly does 'fair' mean? Does it mean equality? Justice? Mercy? In a family, doesn't it mean each sibling gets treated exactly the same? Does it mean that the good and the bad should be handed out equally, without individual reguard?

Whatever it means, it teaches us that we should expect to have the exact same, or at least not less then another person. If they get a piece of cake, we get a piece of cake. It doesn't matter if we ate our dinner. You know what I mean, right? 

I remember reading 'The Princess Bride' in High School, and a quote from the book says, "Life is not fair. It's just fairer than death. That's all." But even then, I still didn't fully understand the fact that life is not fair.

I went on a mission to California for 18 months, I met people who had everything they could ever want, and I met people who lived the smallest of homes and had so split rent between three different families to afford living there. That doesn't seem fair, but still, I believed that fairness had to exist out there. 

This year, I learned that life is not fair. I've been ejected out of my comfort zone and into the line of fire, the line of decision, the line of action. In my mind, that is not fair.

Yesterday, as I sat in church, thinking about this year and what I have learned, I had a thought come to me. I hope you'll understand it, take it at face value and chew it around in your mind until you can make your own sort of sense out of it. 

My thought was this: This year I have thought and prayed, "Heavenly Father, this isn't fair!" And every time I expressed this, in thought, in writing, in prayer, the thought and answer has come back to me from my Heavenly Father, "I know. I know that it is not fair, but it will be okay." -and although that doesn't seem like much of an answer. I can accept that far better than any other answer that people have tried to give me. It's so validating to have someone recognize that IT IS NOT FAIR. And once that has been acknowledged, I'm better able to listen to what I need to hear. I'm not blaming God for all the trials I have this year, and I know that he is not punishing me for the mistakes I have made. I'm just learning and growing and that is what I am supposed to do. And He is there to bind up wounds and keep me safe. 

I know that is true. In Preach My Gospel, in teaching of the atonement it says: "As we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He an help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ." 

Life is not fair, it's time that we get that thought out of our head. What we want and what we need are sometimes things and experiences so vastly different than we think, but we can't learn because we can't see past the unfairness of it. So I'll challenge you, when you think something you're going through is not fair, I want you to get down on your knees and tell God just that. "Father, this is not fair." and I am sure that He will agree with you and that as you continue to turn to Him, He will help you realize what you need to learn.