She Said I Think I'll Go to Boston

It was sometime around 8 years ago that I first heard the Augustana song, Boston. It struck a cord with me from the first listen and it's the top hit on the soundtrack of my life. There are some people who ask about it, why it's that song. I'm sure I've sidestepped the question with a million reasons, but I think this is the one.

"...She said, you don't know me, you don't even care. She said, you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains." 

You see, the song is about a girl. I imagine her quiet, probably more introverted that extroverted. She's not one to open up or trust others with her thoughts or her problems. She has an image, being aloof, but not rude or unkind. Just distant from people, unable to open up to them. She's been through something, or maybe many things that have hurt her, she's sick of being defined by those things. She's tired of putting on a brave face and sick of people trying to tell her how to feel and how to heal.

So...

"She said I think I'll go to Boston. I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain. Oh yeah, and I think I'll go to Boston.I think that I'm just tired. I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset. I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice..." 

From the moment I heard those lyrics, I knew I would someday go to Boston. It's inevitable, and it's a dream that I've held for eight years. Maybe you'll think it's silly, but I bet if you think about it, you've got one of those silly dreams too. You can't define it, but it's there and it is sometimes your driving force.

For eight years, I've been unable to get to Boston. I had a friend living there for a few years, and tried unsuccessfully for those years to get out and visit her. Even last fall, I had plane tickets ready to book, but it just didn't work out.

I think it would be unfair to all parties involved to say I put a lot of dreams on hold the past five years. But I have. I don't regret it though. I regret forgetting those dreams though. It's one thing to pack dreams away for a time while you deal with the things that you have to. It's another thing to forget those dreams. I forgot a lot of my dreams, which was a choice that I made, not one forced on me. However, Boston never got forgotten.

That's why, when this year, both my mom and my dad, who I have cared for during the past five years, passed away rather suddenly and unexpectedly over a three month span of time, I felt totally lost. I not only lost my parents, but my home and a sense of security.

But I have a best friend, and although I've never expressed it to her in too many words, she knew that I would need to go to Boston when things settled down. I almost didn't. The realization that Boston was my only dream left weighed on me and forced me to realize that I have to dream new dreams.

But last month, we went, four of us ended up going. It was a great time, we saw a million and one things, and experienced so many awesome things. But I did not fall in love with Boston as I had hoped too. It was a direct answer that it isn't where I'm supposed to be right now.

However...I do think that I could change the name in the song, from Boston, to maybe somewhere else. As soon as I figure out where that somewhere else might be.